I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize