i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
