Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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