he shaved USA in his pubs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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