i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
