Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
