I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
