Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
