do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
