Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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