they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
