Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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