i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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