dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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