i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
