hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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