They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
