I have demons in me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
