if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
