Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
