u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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