im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you had me at cake vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
