Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize