Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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