Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
