last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't turn off my feet"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
