I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize