I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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