I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
