Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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