So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
