when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
