i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
