remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
