He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We're too hungover to prance.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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