It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
