New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
