between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize