My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
