that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
