I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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