I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize