'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My cat gives me a boner
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
