no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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