you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
