He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
