ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
