I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
