I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
