watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
