I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
