He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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