youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
