I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
