Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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