He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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