Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
