my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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