I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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