WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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