You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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