Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
