Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am available for nakedness
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
