What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
