I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize