Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize