There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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