ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
