you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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