OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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