So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize