not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
