I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
