I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
